When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
