His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
