..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
