i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
