On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
