i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
