I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
