I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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