I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
