Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
this is an emotional support booty call
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
