I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
