Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
