i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I would fuck him just for his dog