Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.