Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.