I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level