and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
