fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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