If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
