you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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