im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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