I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
