Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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