We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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