What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
