Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
wow bdsm is so cute
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