How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
