When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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