you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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