i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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