Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
