Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
