I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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