why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
