I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
