walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
