Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
