I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
