Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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