i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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