just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
