I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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