the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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