I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
