Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
