i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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