I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
