last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
