Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
