i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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