i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
