i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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