definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
