You just made me feel so damn special
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
