Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
