After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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