I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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