Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
