My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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