This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
