Grow some girl-balls and come out already
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
