Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
