I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
