Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
