She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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