Got a toothbrush?
youre lurking in front of me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
