oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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